Jokes & Funny Stuff - part deux

[Martin]

:biggrin2:

 

[JennyT]

 

[Oilcan]

[h=1]MAN PROUDLY FILMS THE FENCE HE BUILD TO KEEP HIS DOG IN THE YARD. WAIT FOR IT.[/h]

 

[Oilcan]

[h=2]Woman's uterus is left poking out of her VAGINA because she 'danced too hard' causing the organ to slip out of place[/h]

• Woman in China claimed a chunk of her flesh had 'fallen out of' her privates
• The 60-year-old went to the doctor crying and feared she might have a tumour
• Medics discovered her uterus had slipped down and protruded out entirely
• The condition is called uterine prolapse and caused by weak pelvic floor muscles

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6972677/Womans-uterus-left-poking-VAGINA-danced-hard.html

 

[Duoing]

[h=1]White Florida gang members punish black member with racist slur tattoo - but spell it wrong: police[/h]

https://www.foxnews.com/us/white-florida-gang-members-black-racist-tattoo-spelling

 

[Faphard]

 

[God]

[h=1]The winning sand sculpture of 2019's Texas sand sculpture festival[/h]

https://imgur.com/gallery/pMwKm7W

 

[Oilcan]

 

[Pietro]

Police Responding To Distress Call Just See Parrot Screaming ‘Let Me Out!’
The bird’s cries of “Let me out! Let me out! Ohhh! Ohhh! Ohhh!” were so lifelike that a neighbor called the police, concerned that a woman was actually in trouble.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/rambo-parrot-florida-let-me-out_n_5e136109e4b0843d36167007

 

[FUKUMAN]

Online shopping can be a lottery of luck as you are left relying on the reviews of strangers to be your guide.
One man who saw it as his duty to inform others of the success of his purchase has left shoppers in stitches with his hilarious five star review posted on Amazon.


The buyer, known as Jay, ordered a £25.99 sex toy online and admits he 'didn't have high hopes for this due to the price, and expected it to be pretty weak, but tried it nonetheless'.
Boy, was he wrong.

In a review titled 'Buy if you want an exorcism', Jay writes that he put his doubts to one side and bought the toy for his girlfriend.

He describes fairly explicitly how they used the 'Luvkis', which we won't go into as it's far too early in the day, but says that once they figured it all out it was 'go time'.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/hilarious-sex-toy-review-amazon-21245118

 

[Virus]

 

[Virus]

 

[Virus]

 

[Virus]

 

[cristy]

A lovely lady posted this joke on my twitter feed, hopefully it'll make you laugh as much as it made me laugh

 

[cristy]

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.

My wife's most recent obsession is growing melons, and she makes me help her in the garden.
It's always "honey do this" and "honey do that"

 

[cristy]

Last night, I was listening to some guy bragging about his one night stand.
I was like, so what dude. I have two night stands; one on either side of my bed.

 

[cristy]

 

[Martin]

Staged?.

 

[BillyTheKid]