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This makes you gay?

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randygirl

Well-known member
Joined Jun 3, 2010
Messages 342
tboy said:
I don't think you could classify them in any way shape or form. Just too many variables. The situation reminded me of a movie I saw a long time ago, can't remember the name of it but the main character's father dressed like a woman and was going for the "operation". When asked, "was it because you wanted men"? He said "no, I love women and will still want women after the operation". I think they brought up the fact that while he felt he was meant to be a woman, he was meant to be a LESBIAN woman.

Exactly, way too many variables involved in the 'having a relationship with a transgendered' person scenario. On both sides. So how does the OP get his question answered? It really isn't cut and dried. I have a large group of gay and lesbian friends (mostly lesbian) and I am totally bringing this up at our next get together. I am sure the discussion will be a riot.

tboy said:
As for not labling people, it just helps us organize our thoughts. Just because someone may be called gay, bi or lesbian and we call them that, doesn't mean it is derogatory. Just because someone is different, and we acknowledge that difference, doesn't mean it's wrong, or they're wrong.

And yes. The "label" isn't meant to judge, it's meant to clarify. It is easy for people to respond simply "you're gay" to the OP in this instance, but much more difficult to sift through the nuances in this situation. As I said, I really don't think it's cut and dried, or can be simplified to a simple "it's gay" or "it's not gay". It's way more complex than that.

I think the OP poses an interesting scenario, one in which an answer is not easily arrived at. I wish they would come back and clarify some details in this particular situation so that it can be looked at more individually instead of generally. The answer, like your movie plot, is in the details, I think.

**Edit: Auggie, I wasn't singling you out. I am simply trying to validate the OPs question as being a sincere one, which deserves sincere responses that add to the discussion.
 

randygirl

Well-known member
Joined Jun 3, 2010
Messages 342
oddball said:
A one-time experience I feel does not make one gay. Just as in the reverse, if a gay male had sex with a female, he would not be labeled as straight or even bi. It is ultimately the individuals long-term choices that define their orientation.

To describe sexual preference, I think the terms "straight" and "gay" should be changed to "conservative" and "liberal".

Absolutely. Like SillyGirl pointed out, sexuality is much more fluid than that. I thought this too. I had my first homosexual experience recently, but would not even begin to consider myself bi sexual.

In the end, is your sexuality something you define, for yourself? Or is it imposed on you from external sources?
 

Auggie

Well-known member
Joined May 24, 2010
Messages 2,207
randygirl said:
Absolutely. Like SillyGirl pointed out, sexuality is much more fluid than that. I thought this too. I had my first homosexual experience recently, but would not even begin to consider myself bi sexual.

In the end, is your sexuality something you define, for yourself? Or is it imposed on you from external sources?

I think a lot of escorts and adult entertainers are similar - "gay for pay". The external source definitely makes a difference in how we act.
 

randygirl

Well-known member
Joined Jun 3, 2010
Messages 342
Auggie said:
I think a lot of escorts and adult entertainers are similar - "gay for pay". The external source definitely makes a difference in how we act.

My experience was not for pay. It was simply because I wanted to try it. Although it was fun, I won't be quitting penis anytime soon...I have no inclination to try it again, even for pay, which tells me I'm not even close to being bi sexual.
 
L

lagavulin

Guest
sexybeast said:
I really wonder answers of this topic, but please keep it in respect level, like ADULTS, so we can have some serious discussion about this topic.

If you bang a transvestite, does this mean you are gay?

If you [perform some activity], does this mean you are [label associated with the activity]?


Obviously not.
A single occurrence is very different from a preference or an addiction.
If you get drunk are you an alcoholic?
If you get caught speeding are you scofflaw?
If you murder a person are you a serial killer?
If you take money for sex are you a whore?
If you pay for sex are you a whore-monger?

Society loves to pin labels on people. It allows us to compartmentalize them and then extrapolate and infer other behaviours to them, we think that we understand someone once the label has been attached. Once you are labeled as "X" it means (incorrectly) that you are also going to be a certain way. The foundation of racism.

So if you bang a transvestite; did you go back again?
And if you did, what's the big deal? Welcome to a free society.
Its not what I would chose but I would defend right of another to make their own choice.


"I may not agree with what you say; but I'll fight to the death your right to say it"
Voltaire

The labels that another person assigns to you should make no difference as to how you chose to live your life. You may elect to be private about some matters but that is simply prudence.

Before you know it, in but the merest twinkle of time, you will be old.
A true sin is to be old and have regrets.
LIVE !!!!
 

SillyGirl

Queen of Boots and Cupcakes
Joined Apr 7, 2017
Messages 7,250
lagavulin said:
Before you know it, in but the merest twinkle of time, you will be old.
A true sin is to be old and have regrets.
LIVE !!!!

Those are the truest words ever written.

When I'm thinking about doing something and I'm not sure if I should, a big factor is always "will I look back and wish I had?"

At least if you do it, you know how things would've turned out.

Not to say you definitely won't have regrets about doing it, but at least you know.

Oddball said:
It is a self definition.

I stopped trying to define it a long time ago. I guess since if I had to pick I'd pick men, technically I'm hetero. I guess since I find women yummy, technically I'm bi. Why does it matter what we call it?
 

randygirl

Well-known member
Joined Jun 3, 2010
Messages 342
amber-jade said:
** sigh** so much for that i guess :cool:

lmao...

Great response, lagavulin. Even though I hesitate to read your posts and comment lest I be deemed a stalker. lol
 

tboy

Well-known member
Joined Jun 2, 2010
Messages 9,200
sillygurl said:
At least if you do it, you know how things would've turned out.

said the parachutist when his reserve chute also fails........

The thing about "trying new things" is we have become a society of instant gratification and I think have lost something along the way. I'm not talking about trying sushi for the first time or something like that, I'm talking about risk vs reward. Heck, if you go by the motto try everything once, I bet there's a shit load of crack addicts out there that regret ever picking up the pipe.

But I digress, this is the topic for another thread......

Sorry, but if you suck a dick or fuck someone up the ass who HAS a dick, you're at the very LEAST bi or bi curious.......

To describe sexual preference, I think the terms "straight" and "gay" should be changed to "conservative" and "liberal".
but what about straight people who have group sex? that's not very conservative and it most certainly isn't gay. Same goes for swingers, they certainly are a far cry from conservative......or for that matter, a gay man who is monogamous, that certainly isn't very liberal..........
 

Darfus

Well-known member
Joined Mar 10, 2010
Messages 133
tboy said:
.

Sorry, but if you suck a dick or fuck someone up the ass who HAS a dick, you're at the very LEAST bi or bi curious.......


well said! even meaning of my handle is kind of not good to response to this thread but.. what the hell! :lol:
 

dreamblade

Reviewer
Joined Dec 5, 2009
Messages 1,082
Most of my ex-girlfriends have been half-gay. What's the problem?

Ask a shrink about gender or sexual identity and they'll prattle on for hours. Although it's nice to know about these concepts, the main point is this: Having one sexual experience doesn't lump you into a new category.

Like Randygirl said, she's had her first girl a little while ago, and she still enjoys penis. After your Tgirl experience, do you suddenly enjoy penis too? Didn't think so.

Here's another wrench my friend put forward when I told her of this discussion: A person has desires for the same sex all their lives, but due to societal/religious pressures, never acts on them and only has sex with the opposite gender. Are they gay or straight?
 

dreamblade

Reviewer
Joined Dec 5, 2009
Messages 1,082
SillyGirl said:
I stopped trying to define it a long time ago. I guess since if I had to pick I'd pick men, technically I'm hetero. I guess since I find women yummy, technically I'm bi. Why does it matter what we call it?

It doesn't and it does. Humans (and Capricorns like me especially) need to classify everything. Prevalent theory suggests this classification process allowed early Man to make snap judgment and survive a hostile environment. We feel more comfortable when the world around us is explainable. Ultimately, you are you. If you can accept that your definition will be fluid and changing over time, then you will be happier for it.
 

tboy

Well-known member
Joined Jun 2, 2010
Messages 9,200
Dream: to answer your question, they are gay but still in the closet or in denial whichever you prefer. It is about one's sexual predilection. Sorry but if (for whatever reason or one time or many times) if you have sex with a member of the same sex, then, well, if the shoe fits, wear it.

As for a woman having sex with another woman, even once. That would make her (as I said) at the very least, bi-curious. If one prefers men but still has an attraction to women, that would make her bi or at least a lipstick lesbian.

Now, to make matters more complicated, if the OP was ever asked the question: have you ever had a homosexual experience, the truth would be "yes". The BIGGER question is: would he do it again?

Why does it matter what we call it?

because it helps others (and some ourselves) understand it better. That is of course if you actually want someone to understand you, but of course, many women loathe the very thought of having a man understand them lol......

I mean, if one wants to start removing classification or label for sexual orientation, why not remove all labels? (we're heading there anyways in today's polictically correct society. No longer should we be classified as men and women, boys and girls, male female, tall short, fat thin, we're all just people. So if you go into a bar or restaurant and find urinals in the washroom and it's the ONLY washroom, there's political correctness at its finest!!!

btw, if you DO find one of these unisex bathrooms? You better not complain if the toilet seat is up lol.......
 

Lou Siffer

Well-known member
Joined May 31, 2010
Messages 248
I love these discussions... I don't know if this is the first one on caerf but, I can assure you, there will be a new one every 6 months or so.

My first reaction to the OP is... why do you really care what it "makes you"? Do you really want to be so narrowly defined? Our sexuality is so much more complicated than that. I would say that having sex with a t-girl doesn't "make you" anything. You were already whatever you were before the act and it likely wasn't as simple as a single word definition.

If you really do care if it "makes you gay", well I'm afraid it's much more complicated than that. Look at the reasons that you want to have sex with a t-girl. Is it because you've seen a particular t-girl that you find very attractive and really want to spend some time with her? Or, is it because you really want to have a dick in your mouth and you're thinking that doing it with a t-girl is somehow a way to have that experience without having to accept the label of being gay. Or is it something in between?

Either way, we want what we want and, unless we're causing harm to others in getting what we we want, I think we should go for it. You don't have to wear a nametag with your sexual orientation afterwards.
 

dreamblade

Reviewer
Joined Dec 5, 2009
Messages 1,082
tboy said:
Dream: to answer your question, they are gay but still in the closet or in denial whichever you prefer. It is about one's sexual predilection. Sorry but if (for whatever reason or one time or many times) if you have sex with a member of the same sex, then, well, if the shoe fits, wear it.

Actually, within the confines of the OP's original question, it may not be as clear an answer as you make it to be.

He's asking if the action puts him irrevocably into one category, or one spectrum of the Kinsey scale. For most of us, especially those of us who enjoy exploring, our sexual definition is every mutating. One of my dearest friends used to be a rampaging anti-men dyke in college. 1 1/2 years ago, she married a guy she's been with for the last 4 years. She WAS a lesbian, now she is straight with an appreciation towards women.


I mean, if one wants to start removing classification or label for sexual orientation, why not remove all labels? (we're heading there anyways in today's polictically correct society. No longer should we be classified as men and women, boys and girls, male female, tall short, fat thin, we're all just people. So if you go into a bar or restaurant and find urinals in the washroom and it's the ONLY washroom, there's political correctness at its finest!!!

btw, if you DO find one of these unisex bathrooms? You better not complain if the toilet seat is up lol.......

It's not a question of removing sexual labels, I doubt that would ever happen, but to not discriminate on the basis of those labels. If you like a person that's not what you usually go for, don't stop yourself from sleeping/dating them just because it's not who you usually do.

If you ever have the chance, sit and talk with a transgendered person. You'll understand more about the issues of gender identity they faced all their lives but you never gave a thought to, and you begin to see people in a different way. At least I have.

As for the separate sex bathrooms, I had this convo with people just the other day. What difference does it make who's pooping next to you?
 

tboy

Well-known member
Joined Jun 2, 2010
Messages 9,200
Pooping: umm to women it does. I had a customer who wouldn't use a toilet because "men used it" and it was in HER customer's home. She went down to the lobby to use the public one which was "women" only. I had to break it to her that more than likely one of the workers who built the place probably used it....she was appalled....

For the answer to your question, don't mix up the op with your scenario of the homosexual denying his homosexuality and living the life of a hetero man. It isn't necessarily the act that makes him gay, it is in his mind......if you're only sexually attracted to men? you're gay. Even if you fuck 10,000 women, you're still gay inside. If (like the op) you have a curiousity to fuck a man, and don't do it often, you're at the very least bi curious (that's why they call it bi curious because they are curious).

As for having a conversation with a transgendered person, I worked with one for over a year so I've had many. Not specifically on their mindset, but got to know them quite well. As I said: they get offended if you treat them like a woman, and offended if you treat them like a man.

For eg: T Nikky on another thread was terribly upset about the new xray scanners to be implemented at airports. They'd rather be physically searched than go through the machine. Does that make sense? either way they are going to find her added equipment.......

And not to offend, but I stand by my statement that if you have a dick, you're a male so the T girl, connotation is misleading. Girl's don't have dicks.
 

Jawbone

Well-known member
Joined Jan 26, 2010
Messages 951
tboy said:
For eg: T Nikky on another thread was terribly upset about the new xray scanners to be implemented at airports. They'd rather be physically searched than go through the machine. Does that make sense? either way they are going to find her added equipment.......

And not to offend, but I stand by my statement that if you have a dick, you're a male so the T girl, connotation is misleading. Girl's don't have dicks.

YUP, somebody grab the pop-corn, I'm bringing the beer!:lol: Hof you in buddy?
 
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