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The growth of affection

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Lauren Summerhill

Well-known member
Joined May 6, 2010
Messages 130
I was crazy busy with my personal life, and had plans to do dinner later in the evening with an old friend. As the clock ticked on I realized there would be no time to go home and fully primp.

I called and asked if we could change plans, do something more casual and go to a nice little ethnic restaurant I adore. My friend was most happy to visit a personal hang out.

I freshened up, and ran out the door. However, my finer things were packed in boxes (I'm in the midst of moving).

I was wearing what I would at work, and wondered how he'd react to seeing everyday me - a touch gothic, a little rocker, a sprinkle punk. He's always seen me in dresses, flowing skirts, silk blouses.

I texted a warning: Beware, you get everyday Me.

To my suprise, he was warmer then he had ever been. The way he looked at me, reached across the table, when our arms were wrapped around one another in passion - there was an extra dash of closeness. He'd never quite opened up to me that way until today.

I kept wondering what was different this time.

Was being extra casual, totally in my natural element, what gave him permission to be himself?

Curious world.
 

Lauren Summerhill

Well-known member
Joined May 6, 2010
Messages 130
HOF said:
He's gettin' ready to say goodbye

Hardly, we've discussed our next meeting! There are some cultures where hobbying is a normal part of a married man's life, it's just impolite to talk about it. He's lucky to come from such an ethnic background. I imagine many women will enjoy the gents company for a long time!

Did you know that Iran, as social conservative as it is, is estimated to have hundreds of thousands of companions?

The sign of a long time friend having to say goodbye: asking to meet for dinner over a serious matter at a sentimental place, knowing there's no plan to play after dinner, and a solemn look on his face when you get there. It' happened to me enough times, I've had a longer then average career. Lives do change, and people do say goodbye.
 

diver12488

Well-known member
Joined Apr 26, 2010
Messages 74
Lauren Summerhill said:
Did you know that Iran, as social conservative as it is, is estimated to have hundreds of thousands of companions?


I don't know that "social conservative" is the best word to describe Iran and other muslim countries... I think "primitive" and "barbaric" are better words. In Yemen, a 13 year old bride died from internal bleeding after her husband forced her to have intercourse with him. (Look it up)

There was a muslim woman that worked for me who begged me not to let her husband take her on a trip back to their home land because she was afraid that her husband was going to have her killed. Also, I don't know how many single mothers are companions in CA and other countries but illegitimate children (and women) are killed in most "socially conservative" countries in the middle east.
(Check out Honor Killings)

It doesn't surprise me that there are companions in muslim countries. But, I can tell you what would happen if a woman wanted to use their services. At least in most civilized countries men respect the women they see as companions. I sure as hell know I respect them.

Don't mean to crash the thread but there are probably a lot of things most people don't know about Iran (and other muslim countries) and how they treat their women.
 

GDLLover

Well-known member
Joined Dec 8, 2009
Messages 439
Us guys often get the primped look so when we unexpectedly get to see the real day to day look its like were seeing something taboo. The viewing of the non-SP look makes us feel special because others don't see this side. A first or second meeting must be of the done up look followed by the dress down otherwise there is no frame of reference.

Here's an example of a case that happened to me.
 

Detective

Well-known member
Joined Apr 30, 2010
Messages 415
diver12488 said:
Don't mean to crash the thread but there are probably a lot of things most people don't know about Iran (and other muslim countries) and how they treat their women.

Same can be said what happens in China and Russia, not just the Muslim Countries. All religions has its flaws.
 

Lauren Summerhill

Well-known member
Joined May 6, 2010
Messages 130
diver12488 said:
I don't know that "social conservative" is the best word to describe Iran and other muslim countries... I think "primitive" and "barbaric" are better words. In Yemen, a 13 year old bride died from internal bleeding after her husband forced her to have intercourse with him. (Look it up).

This is a topic I have a lot of interest in and have done a lot of thinking on, so this will be a long post:

I am quite familiar with Iranian culture, I had lived amongst their community for little while. I hesitate in calling anyone barbaric and primitive - the people cannot be blamed for the actions of those who are more powerful then them. Further more, it's barbaric to look down on people, it gives us permission to mistreat them. You will recall that they revolted and tried to fight for change.

When they had secular government, Iranians joked that the skirts in Tehran were shorter than Paris.

There are a lot of good, healthy, kind people in these cultures that we deem "barbaric", but they aren't interesting enough to talk about.

There are certainly barbaric people amongst us - but more barbaric then Wisconsin where it's a criminal offense to teach about contraception? More primitive then killing an abortion doctor? More disrespectful then criminal labs with boxes upon boxes of forensic evidence from rape kits that go unprocessed because they can't be bothered, since rape cases are too hard to prove? Christian culture can't always hold it's head up with an air of superiority.

I'm not saying it's all fiction, but the violence statics in North America do not paint our husbands as perfectly good men. I volunteered in a homeless shelter where the wife of a Canadian man put locks on all the food cupboards so his wife couldn't access food. When he hadn't given the family food as punishment for several days and she broke into the cupboards, he beat her within an inch of her life in front of the children. Our shelters and suburbs, rural homes and city high rises have women afraid their husband or boyfriend will kill them.

There are horrific husbands everywhere, but in some countries they can't be arrested. The problem is when it becomes institutionalized by government and religion. However, government and religion don't actually use text appropriately or reflect the will of the public. When you read the Koran, no where does it make it okay to kill your wife.

Honour killings come from the clan cultures of the rural areas and they really don't acknowledge the existence of government authority - they're much more interested in their beliefs. They are not limited to the Middle East and Muslim culture, they exist in Asian cultures as well. The only way to fix that is with access to education in those areas to nip it at the root.

Honour killings happen here to. I would argue they exist in Europe and in North America, but without the religious title. Haven't you ever read the stories of the guy killing his wife for cheating on him? Or the wife that killed her husband for having an illegitimate child? Those are murders committed over pride, and they happen all the time. So often the newspapers don't bother writing about it.

The problem isn't "Muslims". The problem is crazy violent people in power, a poor uneducated population policed with fear and desperate to survive. The problem is lack of human compassion. If people of all cultures and faiths accept compassion and spread it (and all cultures and religions teach it, but most don't listen) these things would disappear without having to eliminate religion or culture - love thine enemy.
 

Tiger Woods

Well-known member
Joined Mar 23, 2010
Messages 740
Lauren Summerhill said:
This is a topic I have a lot of interest in and have done a lot of thinking on, so this will be a long post:

I am quite familiar with Iranian culture, I had lived amongst their community for little while. I hesitate in calling anyone barbaric and primitive - the people cannot be blamed for the actions of those who are more powerful then them. Further more, it's barbaric to look down on people, it gives us permission to mistreat them. You will recall that they revolted and tried to fight for change.

When they had secular government, Iranians joked that the skirts in Tehran were shorter than Paris.

There are a lot of good, healthy, kind people in these cultures that we deem "barbaric", but they aren't interesting enough to talk about.

There are certainly barbaric people amongst us - but more barbaric then Wisconsin where it's a criminal offense to teach about contraception? More primitive then killing an abortion doctor? More disrespectful then criminal labs with boxes upon boxes of floresnic evidence from rape kits that goes unprocessed because they can't be bothered since rape cases are too hard to prove? Christian culture can't always hold it's head up with an air of superiority.

I'm not saying it's all fiction, but the violence statics in North America do not paint our husbands as perfectly good men. I volunteered in a homeless shelter where the wife of a Canadian man put locks on all the food cupboards so his wife couldn't access food. When he hadn't given the family food as punishment for several days and she broke into the cupboards, he beat her within an inch of her life in front of the children. Our shelters and suburbs, rural homes and city high rises have women afraid their husband or boyfriend will kill them.

There are horrific husbands everywhere, but in some countries they can't be arrested. The problem is when it becomes institutionalized by government and religion. However, government and religion don't actually use text appropriately or reflect the will of the public. When you read the Koran, no where does it make it okay to kill your wife.

Honour killings come from the clan cultures of the rural areas and they really don't acknowledge the existance of government authority - they're much more interested in their beliefs. They are not limited to the Middle East and Muslim culture, they exist in Asiaian cultures as well. The only way to fix that is with access to education in those areas to nip it at the root.

Honour killing happen here to. I would argue they exit in European and in North America, but without the religious title. Haven't you ever read the stories of the guy kililng his wife for cheating on him? Or the wife that killed her husband for having an illigimate child? Those are murders committed over pride, and they happen all the time. So often the newspapers don't bother writing about it.

The problem isn't "Muslims". The problem is crazy violent people in power. A poor uneducated population policed with fear and desperate to survive. The problem is lack of human compassion. If people of all cultures and faiths accept compassion and spread it (and all cutures and religions teach it, but most don't listen) these things would disappear without having to elimitante religion or culture - love thine enemy.

Wow :!:
 

Sas99

Member
Joined Apr 30, 2010
Messages 22
The problem isn't "Muslims". The problem is crazy violent people in power....Bingo
 

smylee52

Well-known member
Joined Nov 16, 2009
Messages 558
.

"There are a lot of good, healthy, kind people in these cultures that we deem "barbaric", but they aren't interesting enough to talk about. "

We will probably like them better when they stop allowing their countries to be the training grounds for the more interesting people who want to slit our throats in the night .
 

Raiden

Reviewer
Joined Nov 6, 2009
Messages 6,565
I agree there are good and bad individuals/groups in every culture and race.
 

dreamblade

Reviewer
Joined Dec 5, 2009
Messages 1,082
The whole Islam as a repressive society is only about 60 years old. Before that, people there were pretty much the same as any European country.

As for your friend and the meeting, we all have our masks. I have a similar dress style to yours on weekends, but weekdays, I espouse the corporate whore chic. When wearing the mask, we not only look different, but our body language is different as well, you or he may not pick up on that on the conscious level, but it does play a significant part in people's interaction.
 
D

Demien2k5

Guest
Lauren Summerhill said:
This is a topic I have a lot of interest in and have done a lot of thinking on, so this will be a long post:

I am quite familiar with Iranian culture, I had lived amongst their community for little while. I hesitate in calling anyone barbaric and primitive - the people cannot be blamed for the actions of those who are more powerful then them. Further more, it's barbaric to look down on people, it gives us permission to mistreat them. You will recall that they revolted and tried to fight for change.

When they had secular government, Iranians joked that the skirts in Tehran were shorter than Paris.

There are a lot of good, healthy, kind people in these cultures that we deem "barbaric", but they aren't interesting enough to talk about.

There are certainly barbaric people amongst us - but more barbaric then Wisconsin where it's a criminal offense to teach about contraception? More primitive then killing an abortion doctor? More disrespectful then criminal labs with boxes upon boxes of forensic evidence from rape kits that go unprocessed because they can't be bothered, since rape cases are too hard to prove? Christian culture can't always hold it's head up with an air of superiority.

I'm not saying it's all fiction, but the violence statics in North America do not paint our husbands as perfectly good men. I volunteered in a homeless shelter where the wife of a Canadian man put locks on all the food cupboards so his wife couldn't access food. When he hadn't given the family food as punishment for several days and she broke into the cupboards, he beat her within an inch of her life in front of the children. Our shelters and suburbs, rural homes and city high rises have women afraid their husband or boyfriend will kill them.

There are horrific husbands everywhere, but in some countries they can't be arrested. The problem is when it becomes institutionalized by government and religion. However, government and religion don't actually use text appropriately or reflect the will of the public. When you read the Koran, no where does it make it okay to kill your wife.

Honour killings come from the clan cultures of the rural areas and they really don't acknowledge the existence of government authority - they're much more interested in their beliefs. They are not limited to the Middle East and Muslim culture, they exist in Asian cultures as well. The only way to fix that is with access to education in those areas to nip it at the root.

Honour killings happen here to. I would argue they exist in Europe and in North America, but without the religious title. Haven't you ever read the stories of the guy killing his wife for cheating on him? Or the wife that killed her husband for having an illegitimate child? Those are murders committed over pride, and they happen all the time. So often the newspapers don't bother writing about it.

The problem isn't "Muslims". The problem is crazy violent people in power, a poor uneducated population policed with fear and desperate to survive. The problem is lack of human compassion. If people of all cultures and faiths accept compassion and spread it (and all cultures and religions teach it, but most don't listen) these things would disappear without having to eliminate religion or culture - love thine enemy.

Sorry honey, but when you boil it right down, the fundemental difference between the Arab world and the West is very very simple: It's called Democracy, and it's grounded in the very basics of personal rights, freedoms and equalities. In the West it is baked into the very fabric of everyday life and available for all people, citizen or not. In the Arab world, it has never ever existed, nor do I think it ever will. From someone who has fought to extend those basic premises on four continents to those who are now and have always been oppressed, you sound like nothing more than a ignorant, misinformed fool. Frankly speaking, to make the comparisons you do above, I find it hugely disprespectful to those servicemen and women currently striving to protect your everyday freedoms while you trivialize the magnitude of what is currently an abhorrent standard of living and hopeless existence for lowly citizens in most Arab nations. I fought in the first Gulf War and spent almost three years in-country in Iraq all told, and have lived first hand what barbarism truly means, not only there but in Bosnia and Somalia as well. As far as I'm concerned you should just STFU with your nonsense.
 
H

HOF

Guest
Thank you Demien! Thank you again, for your years of service!

To anyone that is not Muslim, the Koran states they are the infidel and must die. The lesson of the infidel is taught from birth. That's pretty simple!

Lauren, your dramatic prose may be better intended elsewhere. If you enjoy that culture, you are always welcome to move there. Let's see how long you would really last living in one of those countries without the luxuries of home.

You'll make a wonderful MSW with your rhetoric.
 

dreamblade

Reviewer
Joined Dec 5, 2009
Messages 1,082
Demien2k5 said:
Sorry honey, but when you boil it right down, the fundemental difference between the Arab world and the West is very very simple: It's called Democracy, and it's grounded in the very basics of personal rights, freedoms and equalities. In the West it is baked into the very fabric of everyday life and available for all people, citizen or not. In the Arab world, it has never ever existed, nor do I think it ever will.

You may want to read up on your world history, before shooting your mouth off. Like I mentioned, the current oppressive, religion-based, world view started gaining ground in the 50's. Furthermore, no one is down-playing what UN troops are doing in the region to make it better. Just because someone sees Iran in a larger context, as a people, not as an raving mob of ululating lunatics, doesn't mean they automatically hate our way of life. The world is much more complex that your "With us or against us" viewpoint. Grow up.

Lauren was just pointing out that the stupid, the violent, and the monstrous are present in the West as well as the Middle East. The genocide of the Cathars, the Spanish Inquisition, the Salem Witch Burnings, the denial of the right to vote for women and blacks, all the way up Jerry Falwell and his crew of WASP lunatics, and the Tea Baggers.

Humans, be they brown, black, white, yellow, or red, are dicks.

Learn that, soldier-boy, and start thinking like an officer, not a frontline grunt.
 
H

HOF

Guest
Feel free, you're novelty will wear off and you'll be irrelevant. Oh sorry, you already are!

Oh, if you were a prize in a caerf contest and I won, I'd pass!
 

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