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DISTRAUGHT AND ALONE

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Baz

Senior Member
Joined Feb 29, 2012
Messages 1,854
Life takes strange turns and I've been dealt a devastating twist of malice. This past Friday I came home to find an empty home. The woman who I believed to be my soulmate has left me. I can't believe what possessed Ida to throw away a life we've built together. Everything I've done has been for Ida and her happiness. I haven't returned to work because I can't think straight and why I'm posting this here is beyond me but I need to vent or I'll will become hysterical. Her reasons are irrational and I'm convinced there must be another man but I can't be sure. If anyone else has dealt with this pain please let me know how you dealt with it because even sitting in my home of years is very upsetting right now. As I look around all I see are reminders of a pass and I don't see a very bright future.
 
Joined Sep 10, 2015
Messages 1,482
Baz said:
Life takes strange turns and I've been dealt a devastating twist of malice. This past Friday I came home to find an empty home. The woman who I believed to be my soulmate has left me. I can't believe what possessed Ida to throw away a life we've built together. Everything I've done has been for Ida and her happiness. I haven't returned to work because I can't think straight and why I'm posting this here is beyond me but I need to vent or I'll will become hysterical. Her reasons are irrational and I'm convinced there must be another man but I can't be sure. If anyone else has dealt with this pain please let me know how you dealt with it because even sitting in my home of years is very upsetting right now. As I look around all I see are reminders of a pass and I don't see a very bright future.

Women are takers. Don't feel that you are alone. Every man has been taken by a woman at some point in their lives. Women take and take and then they move on to their next victim. Happened to my father too.

Women have no shame.
 

Madman

Reviewer
Joined Aug 12, 2011
Messages 17,543
Baz, there is a bright side!


HOBBY TIL YOU DROP my bible thumping friend!

Seriously the best way to forget about her is to get laid by beautiful women!
 

Baz

Senior Member
Joined Feb 29, 2012
Messages 1,854
MisterAsianLover said:
Women are takers. Don't feel that you are alone. Every man has been taken by a woman at some point in their lives. Women take and take and then they move on to their next victim. Happened to my father too.

Women have no shame.

Ida has a very good career and financially has always been an equal. What we've built we've done together but something emotionally has changed and I don't understand why?
 

Baz

Senior Member
Joined Feb 29, 2012
Messages 1,854
Madman said:
Baz, there is a bright side!


HOBBY TIL YOU DROP my bible thumping friend!

Seriously the best way to forget about her is to get laid by beautiful women!

At the present time I cannot see myself with another woman either paid for or the old fashion way.
 
U

User-E

Guest
So sorry to hear that Baz.

I hope you've got some close friends or family you can turn to for support.

Many of us have been through similar circumstances and can understand what you're going through.

:BigHug:
 

papasmerf

Senior Member
Joined Aug 9, 2010
Messages 33,654
Sorry to hear that Baz..................


I would like to say the pain passes but it really does not.
What does change is you......You grow from the pain.
And learn that you can not suffer your way through life.

As you have already guess you are not alone in this pain.
Once you sit back and take stock of yourself and replay your life with Ida.
You will see hints and at first obsess on them but do not do that.
Accept the fact that for today life is different and embrace the pain.
Because it will help you grow further in your love for others.

Do not listen to those who would trash you or her and accept you need not understand life's plan for you.
It will unfold in its own time.
 

oldguyzer

Reviewer
Joined Jun 19, 2011
Messages 15,082
First off, I am truly sorry to hear this has happened. It's no consolation, but many of us have been there. The pain will pass, although it does take time.

As for motives for her action, perhaps jumping to conclusions is the worst thing you could do. Assuming there is someone else may cause you more pain than staying unsure. Women don't leave for another man every time, but sometimes because they have grown tired of the situation and need a break.

My best advice is to continue with your life, knowing there will be grief in it for a while, but accepting that as part of the process. Running out to see someone else doesn't help, but in fact makes it worse. And don't be surprised if you hear from Ida in the near future: rash decisions are often good for a short while, but then there's remorse and regret. Live your days, be busy, accept the pain and grief, and recognize time will heal all wounds.
 
Joined Sep 10, 2015
Messages 1,482
Baz said:
Ida has a very good career and financially has always been an equal. What we've built we've done together but something emotionally has changed and I don't understand why?

Men are leaders. Men understand sacrifice and comittment.

Women only understand themselves. A woman's first thought is of herself.

A woman will always leave if she thinks she can 'do better' in the near future - called 'trading up'. Men will stay out of a sense of loyalty.

When I said takers, I don't just mean financially. They take in every way possible.
 

oldguyzer

Reviewer
Joined Jun 19, 2011
Messages 15,082
MisterAsianLover said:
Men are leaders. Men understand sacrifice and comittment.

Women only understand themselves. A woman's first thought is of herself.

A woman will always leave if she thinks she can 'do better' in the near future - called 'trading up'. Men will stay out of a sense of loyalty.

When I said takers, I don't just mean financially. They take in every way possible.

Spoken like a true chauvinist.
 
Joined Sep 10, 2015
Messages 1,482
papasmerf said:
Sorry to hear that Baz..................


I would like to say the pain passes but it really does not.
What does change is you......You grow from the pain.
And learn that you can not suffer your way through life.

As you have already guess you are not alone in this pain.
Once you sit back and take stock of yourself and replay your life with Ida.
You will see hints and at first obsess on them but do not do that.
Accept the fact that for today life is different and embrace the pain.
Because it will help you grow further in your love for others.

Do not listen to those who would trash you or her and accept you need not understand life's plan for you.
It will unfold in its own time.

Life has no plan. Do you believe Freddy Grays' life plan was to beaten to death by the cops?

Please tell me you arent one of those religious goofs.
 

Baz

Senior Member
Joined Feb 29, 2012
Messages 1,854
Thank you Papa, Oldguyzer and Escapefromstress for your kind words and good advice. MisterAsianLover, as angry and disappointed I am in Ida I don't believe she has done this because she's a taker, I really don't. I've known my soulmate for many years and she's never been a taker. I do believe my not being able to give her a child has a lot to do with it. I've offered the adoption route but this wasn't an option for Ida. Perhaps she has found a man who can give her a child, I don't know right now.
 

papasmerf

Senior Member
Joined Aug 9, 2010
Messages 33,654
Baz said:
Thank you Papa, Oldguyzer and Escapefromstress for your kind words and good advice. MisterAsianLover, as angry and disappointed I am in Ida I don't believe she has done this because she's a taker, I really don't. I've known my soulmate for many years and she's never been a taker. I do believe my not being able to give her a child has a lot to do with it. I've offered the adoption route but this wasn't an option for Ida. Perhaps she has found a man who can give her a child, I don't know right now.

Her loss wen it comes to adoption.

Eventually you and she will talk and you will find out why she left........However do not expect that for years.
The very nature of divorce tends to be nasty. As such much is said in haste.
 

oldguyzer

Reviewer
Joined Jun 19, 2011
Messages 15,082
Baz said:
Thank you Papa, Oldguyzer and Escapefromstress for your kind words and good advice. MisterAsianLover, as angry and disappointed I am in Ida I don't believe she has done this because she's a taker, I really don't. I've known my soulmate for many years and she's never been a taker. I do believe my not being able to give her a child has a lot to do with it. I've offered the adoption route but this wasn't an option for Ida. Perhaps she has found a man who can give her a child, I don't know right now.

Give her a bit of time, Baz, and don't blame yourself. Whether this has to do with children or not you likely won't know until she talks to you...and she will. Be patient.

FWIW adoption is a great thing; two of my brothers and one sister are adopted. I'm a huge supporter of the process.
 
E

ERecTile

Guest
I'm not sure if I believe in the concept of a soulmate. Or, if I do, I don't believe there is only ONE person out there who is a soulmate. If its painful to be at home right now, see if you can book a hotel room or something for several days. The pain won't go away, but you need some time to adapt to your new situation, and being away from it will help put some things into perspective. There is never just one reason why a relationship breaks down so don't kill yourself trying to find that one reason. It's usually a culmination of many different things.

IMHO though, judging from the way she left, without a word and no explanation, perhaps she didn't value the life you built together as much as you did. Maybe that will help the pain. Understanding that it was not your fault, nor was it hers, but simply that the life the two of you shared was not what she wanted.

I know your impulse now would be to try to reach her and get answers. I haven't been in your situation, but I don't think that would be the best course of action right now. Give it a few days first. Send out some "feelers" to see if she's willing to talk. She owes you that much at least.

You will also need some sort of outlet for your pain right now. I know you don't want to hobby, and that's understandable. Go for a jog, or do something physically strenuous.
 

Anneliese

Well-known member
Joined Jan 18, 2013
Messages 239
Baz said:
Life takes strange turns and I've been dealt a devastating twist of malice. This past Friday I came home to find an empty home. The woman who I believed to be my soulmate has left me. I can't believe what possessed Ida to throw away a life we've built together. Everything I've done has been for Ida and her happiness. I haven't returned to work because I can't think straight and why I'm posting this here is beyond me but I need to vent or I'll will become hysterical. Her reasons are irrational and I'm convinced there must be another man but I can't be sure. If anyone else has dealt with this pain please let me know how you dealt with it because even sitting in my home of years is very upsetting right now. As I look around all I see are reminders of a pass and I don't see a very bright future.

Firstly, it is very brave of you to be so open and honest and vulnerable with us here on this forum in this difficult time. I am so sorry you are going through this very painful experience, and hope that you get some of the answers you seek, and some support. I recommend seeking out some friends or family who you can vent with and talk to. Try to do activities that will give you an outlet and help you process, like physical fitness activities, meditation, yoga, walking, etc.... This painful time may last for a very long time, months even to years.... But each day hopefully it will get a little easier. At the moment you are in the crisis state with a multitude of unknowns. Glad you are not working because you probably are in no state to. You are experiencing an acute sense of abandonment and loss right now, and it also sounds like confusion and grief. These are feelings that you need to process over a period of time as things happen and unfold. Be gentle with yourself, and take it one day at a time. From someone who has recently dealt with a painful ending of a relationship, it takes alot of time and the grief process is a long one that cycles in and out of multiple stages, until one day it just doesn't hurt as much. You may never get the answers you seek, so be prepared to come to terms with your relationship and it's ending based on your own perspective and needs. Sometimes the unknown can be the worst part as we seek answers which may never come. She has made a choice however unreasonable or irrational from your perpective that is her choice to make, and regardless of how misguided you think it is or how you feel about it, it is her right to do so, and you can only just deal with the result of her choice by processing for yourself and accepting and moving on. Sorry you are having a shitty week, I think we probably have all been there at one time, I know I have many. Take care of yourself.
 
T

TFZL1

Guest
Sorry to hear about your relationship ending, I know it can be devastating.
first thing you need to do is protect yourself. Both financially and emotionally. You need to talk to see what she wants, how to split the house and belongings.
when my marriage ended a year and a half ago, I was glad to get out, it had gotten that bad.
we decided to save money, don't like paying lawyers, made up our own signed agreement and sold the house.
ive relied on freinds and family for emotional support and moved on with life. I don't miss her much. I have my choice of Lovely Lady's when I feel starved for affection.
I have a different outlook on life and broke away from the traditional lifestyle.
You only live once, make the best of it. I feel happier giving rather than taking.
 

Maurice Boscorelli

Senior Member
Joined May 30, 2010
Messages 19,337
Baz I call moments like these life altering events.

It's unfortunate that you like so many before you have to endure the pain and uncertainty that has befallen you.

You have always professed to a man of faith on this board. I submit to you that it is time for you to believe in that faith.

You have the strength within you that will help you overcome and move through this. It won't be easy, it never is.

''We should not be surprised that it is the storms of life that actually prove our faith.''
 

Prim0

Senior Member
Joined Jun 29, 2010
Messages 10,859
Ditto.....if you believe in god then let him help you with your burden. We are all gifted with free will....some use it to make some rather crazy choices. Only Ida would be able to say why she has left.....in the mean time, just work on you. Have any hobbies you put off due to time constraints? Any goals you wanted to work on? Keep yourself busy and don't dwell on what you cannot control.

I'm sure you know this one....but maybe you need a reminder....

 

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