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Can a cheater truly change?

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clintE

Senior Member
Joined Dec 27, 2009
Messages 575
People only take one second to determine whether they find someone sexually attractive. Then in only three minutes, they decide whether they want to see that person again. That’s how quickly we decide if a prospective mate should be in our life — for better or for worse, and usually, when it happens that quickly, it’s for worse. Over and out!

Can you change not to cheat anymore?.
 

Melike_pussy

Reviewer
Joined May 10, 2010
Messages 575
When I see a sp I don't call it cheating, I call it keeping my family together. Once my kids get older a divorce in the work but now they need 2 parents to teach them well.
 

RAWD

Well-known member
Joined Mar 11, 2010
Messages 2,166
IMO, cheating happens because of desire and choice.

So, yeah. You can change. Either by fate (loss of desire, because you're in love), or by will.
 

Lauren Summerhill

Well-known member
Joined May 6, 2010
Messages 130
clintE said:
People only take one second to determine whether they find someone sexually attractive

I have to disagree with that. There have been many people I have met, in civ world and in this one, that I initially wasn't attracted to, however that changed. People are complex, and there is much to be uncovered - during that process you can fall into lust.


Then in only three minutes, they decide whether they want to see that person again. That’s how quickly we decide if a prospective mate should be in our life

I would really like to know how anyone could really determine that "fact". Again, I don't think that's true at all. First impressions can be wrong, as when I've gotten to know people, my view of them has entirely changed. If that was true, I would never have spoken to my best friend again - who I hated for the first 4 months of knowing him. Yet, we became inseparable friends and have been close friends for 15 years. Even from a romantic perspective I can think of numerous incidents where this isn't true.

And the desire to see someone again and make them you life partner, is not the same thing. It takes me a good year, in some cases longer, to decide if I want to do the work necessary in a relationship I hope to maintain for a lifetime: whether it is a platonic friend or a passionate lover.

Can you change not to cheat anymore?.

Yes, by being happy with who you're with! Unless, as I've said endlessly in other threads, you are polyamorous by nature. However, even someone who is prone to multiple romantic relationships can choose to be monogamous.

Its' a decision.

Like getting up in the morning, like choosing to be productive at work so you don't fall behind, like seeing a woman struggling with her bags and running over to help.

People don't just "cheat". In the process of meeting someone, the build up and flirting, to the moment of bedding them, there is plenty of time to stop yourself. You've made a choice, and as grown ups we are intelligent and have free will - so we have the capacity to make different choices.

Saying "I can't change" is pitiful. You may not want to change, you may not choose to change, but everyone can.
 
B

Beenthere123

Guest
Lauren Summerhill said:
I have to disagree with that. There have been many people I have met, in civ world and in this one, that I initially wasn't attracted to, however that changed. People are complex, and there is much to be uncovered - during that process you can fall into lust.


I would really like to know how anyone could really determine that "fact". Again, I don't think that's true at all. First impressions can be wrong, as when I've gotten to know people, my view of them has entirely changed. If that was true, I would never have spoken to my best friend again - who I hated for the first 4 months of knowing him. Yet, we became inseparable friends and have been close friends for 15 years. Even from a romantic perspective I can think of numerous incidents where this isn't true.

And the desire to see someone again and make them you life partner, is not the same thing. It takes me a good year, in some cases longer, to decide if I want to do the work necessary in a relationship I hope to maintain for a lifetime: whether it is a platonic friend or a passionate lover.

Can you change not to cheat anymore?.

Yes, by being happy with who you're with! Unless, as I've said endlessly in other threads, you are polyamorous by nature. However, even someone who is prone to multiple romantic relationships can choose to be monogamous.

Its' a decision.

Like getting up in the morning, like choosing to be productive at work so you don't fall behind, like seeing a woman struggling with her bags and running over to help.

People don't just "cheat". In the process of meeting someone, the build up and flirting, to the moment of bedding them, there is plenty of time to stop yourself. You've made a choice, and as grown ups we are intelligent and have free will - so we have the capacity to make different choices.

Saying "I can't change" is pitiful. You may not want to change, you may not choose to change, but everyone can.

Shit Lauren have to agree with you here, my first wife hated my guts in the beginning but won her over slowly. Damn now I wish she didn't change her mind as the bitch took half my money from the divorce settlement.
 

a 1 player

Well-known member
Joined Jun 6, 2010
Messages 4,905
Heck, I used to be a 'player', but one good woman changed all that. It can easily be done, but you have to want it.

Keep in mind though, it's not cheating if she gives her consent.
 

RAWD

Well-known member
Joined Mar 11, 2010
Messages 2,166
Very well said Lauren!

Faithfulness is a choice, and a commitment to make the effort. Given the right person, it's not "hard" at all.

I've been surprised myself. Sometimes the initial impression is just totally wrong.

Chemistry and choice, I guess.
 

RAWD

Well-known member
Joined Mar 11, 2010
Messages 2,166
That's a very simplistic answer.

Sometimes, we don't know what we want.

Sometimes, we don't appreciate what we have until we lose it.

Sometimes, we simply choose a path of self-destruction.
 
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