Made with Love
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Sexy Friends Toronto

A Lesson Learned: thank you

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Lauren Summerhill

Well-known member
Joined May 6, 2010
Messages 130
Hello everyone!

I haven't a lot of time as I just landed in Toronto and am boarding another plane in just two days.

I wanted to thank the board for the opportunity to have a growing experience. I am referring to the thread I started called "The Ethics of Cancellations"

I returned home today with a very enticing offer for Tuesday night from a man that seemed very intriguing. I spent the flight home considering taking it, and then my mind flipped back to this board.

I've been traveling with my gents for the last 10 days, am home for two days, then leave for nearly as long a trip again. So, if I accepted the date, I'd probably be tired, distracted by thoughts of work and far from my best.

It hurt to tell him that it wouldn't be possible. I so wanted to take the date as we seemed to have similar interests, he was charming, and his approach to the date was endearing.

So, as the gentlemen on this board suggested: It is my responsibility to be a better planner, and to look at my future schedule and understand how that will impact on my state of mine and ability to be a good companion.

I am a slave to desire, it's tempting to be gluttonous and self indulgent, go out for drinks, a dinner, and play. However, at the risk of being late, not have enough time to be dressed to the 9s and be distracted - it's not worth wasting his time.

Once again, Thank you for you honest input in the previous thread.
 

Raiden

Reviewer
Joined Nov 6, 2009
Messages 6,565
I don't think she seen the guy and it was our fault!:eek: The poor guy is now walking around with a boner!:lol: Naughty naughty girl!
 

Lucas_dude

Well-known member
Joined May 21, 2010
Messages 50
Rayden said:
I don't think she seen the guy and it was our fault!:eek: The poor guy is now walking around with a boner!:lol: Naughty naughty girl!

I say she should have seen him. I know she doesn't like to act but its not his fault she travels so much and she only gave him a day's notice.
 

SillyGirl

Queen of Boots and Cupcakes
Joined Apr 7, 2017
Messages 7,250
Lucas_dude said:
I say she should have seen him. I know she doesn't like to act but its not his fault she travels so much and she only gave him a day's notice.


So if a guy's horny his LivingBreathingSexToy has an obligation to be available????

You just said a lot about yourself.

Lauren I applaud you for not taking the appointment, it was smart time-management.
 

randygirl

Well-known member
Joined Jun 3, 2010
Messages 342
I agree, the best thing to do was to decline the call.

I do not schedule anyone if I don't think I can give it my 100%.

Lucas_dude says she should have taken the call...but then when the session is so-so, "or mechanical" he would be the first one to run back here and write a bad review. Thumbs down, Ld.
 

Lauren Summerhill

Well-known member
Joined May 6, 2010
Messages 130
Lucas_dude said:
I say she should have seen him. I know she doesn't like to act but its not his fault she travels so much and she only gave him a day's notice.

This thread is about a different gentleman, and different situation. I believe that sentiment was expressed already - and frankly, I'd rather loose a client then see someone who is comfortable making me unhappy. I have kinder more considerate gentlemen who see me regularly, I'm hardly desperate. I'm in the business to meet people I will like, not just make an income.

Sillygirl you make a wonderful point.

Randygirl, your sentiment is correct.
 

Haveanitch

Well-known member
Joined Feb 13, 2010
Messages 85
Lauren Summerhill said:
, I'd rather loose a client then see someone who is comfortable making me unhappy.

Is this about you or the customer?, you would have made him happy NO?
 

Lauren Summerhill

Well-known member
Joined May 6, 2010
Messages 130
Haveanitch said:
Is this about you or the customer?, you would have made him happy NO?

They are NOT my customers. They are my LOVERS.

This make shock you, but it's about BOTH of us. I am not going to see people I dislike, and I am not doing to see people I am unhappy with. I spend my time with people I am attracted to and have fun with - just like real life dating. In turn, because I l find I'm excited to see them again, because their mind intrigues me, and their skills light my body on fire - they end up having fun too - because the orgasms are real, the laughter we share is real, and when I look them square in the eyes they can see the unquestionable warmth.

We explore each others sexual fantasies and desires. We explore each others interests in culture and knowledge. We explore each others hopes and dreams.

I make it perfectly clear on my website I'm a member of the demimonde not a modern provider. You'd have to be illiterate not to understand that after reading my ads and website. So anyone who books me wants a mutually fulfilling connection.

There's nothing wrong with "clients" and there's nothing wrong with "escorts". However, there are both men and women that don't' want that, and we get to exist too. We are part of the Demimonde, and we enjoy finding each other.
 

randygirl

Well-known member
Joined Jun 3, 2010
Messages 342
Haveanitch said:
Is this about you or the customer?, you would have made him happy NO?

In this business, for a lot of SPs, it's BOTH.

I'm with Lauren here. I am here to make money, and to meet people who I like to see. I won't force myself to book a session. If I don't like you, if you are in any way making me uncomfortable, if I am not at my best (tired, hungover, sick), there is no session. I like money just as much as the next person, but there are lots of reasons why I might refuse a call.

I get lots of calls for later at night, say, close to midnight. I do not book these calls for several reasons, but the main one is, I keep regular hours and I am tired then.

It might make a guy happy to see me at midnight, but it won't make me happy. Having a happy SP is at least half of the equation when it comes to having a good session.

Edit:
Great post, Lauren! A lot of people just don't get it. Perhaps for some SPs, it is about assembly line sex, but for others, it really is about connecting with someone. My criteria for clients is more than "must have a penis". If I get to a session, and things aren't happening for any of my reasons (which are private), it doesn't go any further. If I chose to go ahead with a session and it was a chore to book that person again, I would not book them. Period. In addition, if it's not happening on my end for any reason I don't book a session in the first place.

It is definitely BOTH for me. I do my sessions with the thought in mind that I will see that person again, and a relationship will develop. It is still SP/client, but it is ongoing, and mutually fulfilling, which will not happen if I don't feel it on my end.
 

j

BANNED
Joined Apr 4, 2010
Messages 258
randygirl said:
In this business, for a lot of SPs, it's BOTH.

I'm with Lauren here. I am here to make money, and to meet people who I like to see. I won't force myself to book a session. If I don't like you, if you are in any way making me uncomfortable, if I am not at my best (tired, hungover, sick), there is no session. I like money just as much as the next person, but there are lots of reasons why I might refuse a call.

I get lots of calls for later at night, say, close to midnight. I do not book these calls for several reasons, but the main one is, I keep regular hours and I am tired then.

It might make a guy happy to see me at midnight, but it won't make me happy. Having a happy SP is at least half of the equation when it comes to having a good session.

Edit:
Great post, Lauren! A lot of people just don't get it. Perhaps for some SPs, it is about assembly line sex, but for others, it really is about connecting with someone. My criteria for clients is more than "must have a penis". If I get to a session, and things aren't happening for any of my reasons (which are private), it doesn't go any further. If I chose to go ahead with a session and it was a chore to book that person again, I would not book them. Period. In addition, if it's not happening on my end for any reason I don't book a session in the first place.

It is definitely BOTH for me. I do my sessions with the thought in mind that I will see that person again, and a relationship will develop. It is still SP/client, but it is ongoing, and mutually fulfilling, which will not happen if I don't feel it on my end.


I agree with your sentiments here, but disagree with Lauren on a point of definition. I do not care how fancified you want to dress it up, each and every paid encounter means every one who comes by is a client. This term "lover" was used by a new arrogant sp in Winnipeg who read a book then decided she could do this work. She offended many, sps and clients alike, with this superior attitude.

I expect better from someone who has been in this industry as long as Lauren has, and find it disrespectful and condescending to both clients and sps. Use that fancy word all you like, it doesn't change anything. It implies that other sps do not have similar standards for picking and choosing who they want to spend time with, that their clients are somehow unworthy because they are called clients or don't undergo some elaborate selection process.

I never see anyone who does not connect with me with our initial contact; I do not see anyone twice who fails to fulfill that respect and mutual understanding. I would hope that each and every individual who chooses to see me and spends time with me will feel special, unique and cherished, because at the end of the day that is how I want anyone to feel when their time is over. I turn down many enquiries, many enquiries do not progress to appts, and many appts turn into repeat and regular clients.

And I am ok with that.:D
 

randygirl

Well-known member
Joined Jun 3, 2010
Messages 342
shadowsun said:
I never see anyone who does not connect with me with our initial contact; I do not see anyone twice who fails to fulfill that respect and mutual understanding. I would hope that each and every individual who chooses to see me and spends time with me will feel special, unique and cherished, because at the end of the day that is how I want anyone to feel when their time is over. I turn down many enquiries, many enquiries do not progress to appts, and many appts turn into repeat and regular clients.

And I am ok with that.:D

I could not have said this better. I do not want to blur the line, a client is indeed a client. But with the nature of this business, me being a human being, there has to be some sort of criteria that is met for me to either book a session in the first place, or book a repeat session.

If I can't do that for a client, make them feel special, unique and cherished, then I forfeit my fee by way of not booking in the first place, or not booking them again. That is only fair to the client.

No man should have to jump through hoops to see me, and I do not have elaborate conditions in place that need to be satisfied for an appointment to happen. But I do have standards; I think they benefit not only me, but also my clients.

The main thing is, after a session, everyone (client and SP alike) should walk away happy and glad for the experience. If I know that it is not happening on my end for any reason, it is enough to refuse a call. That at least allows them to find someone who can provide.
 

Lauren Summerhill

Well-known member
Joined May 6, 2010
Messages 130
shadowsun said:
I do not care how fancified you want to dress it up, each and every paid encounter means every one who comes by is a client.

Is a wife who lives on the support of her husband because she's a home maker to look as her husband as a client? A grilfriend who earns a meager income and receives assistance from her wealtheir boyfriend to think of him as a client? Is a lady who has no "rates" but has wealthy lovers that she is not in a committed traditional relationship with, and gets gifted and support to look at them as clients?

There is a key difference here between what you see as a "paid client" and what I am talking about when I say I'm in the Demimonde. The Demi way of life is all about blurring the lines and breaking down boundaries. I'm fearless in this regard and have a great deal of experience in it. There are only two rules: never cross a boundary without permission, and never cross a boundary your partner cannot emotionally manage with ease. The world of companionship is far more diverse then the internet gives it credit for. So much more happens then is ever discussed in review boards.

These gentlemen - first and foremost - have no connection to any of the requirements I have on my website. They are long term arrangements spanning several years. I am their lover and we have a system of support structured - there's a difference between supporting your mistress, and paying your provider.

They are only my "clients" in the terms you describe in the "getting to know you" process, or if we see each other rarely and infrequently. The gentleman being discussed in the older thread chose to take the more intimate path of the demimonde world. Context is everything.

Furthermore - you make a second error in assuming that customer is only about the act of exchanging money. Money is exchanged between people all the time without it being a customer and vendor association. I am not, and do not offer a commodity or service. I offer to spend time together, but do not guarantee what happens in that time - only that either of us is unhappy I'm returning the gift and leaving. I'm loud and proud YMMV. This is not a matter of services being bought and sold, but a matter of "bounded intimacy" as social scientists have started calling it. That means, for the intimacy to work, whether there are strict rules, or whether there is an exchange of financial support for time and flexibility, it is the "bound" nature of the relationship that makes it possible at all. And if you take away the binding, the social circumstances of both peoples lives make the relationship an impossibility.


So no, I'm afraid I feel your definition does not apply.

I also feel there is an issue of self respect here - and I would hope my gentlemen have enough pride to think higher of themselves when in my company, as I certainly would never degrade them to such a shallow role, not wishing to be pigeonholed so distastefully myself.
 

j

BANNED
Joined Apr 4, 2010
Messages 258
Lauren Summerhill said:
Is a wife who lives on the support of her husband because she's a home maker to look as her husband as a client? A grilfriend who earns a meager income and receives assistance from her wealtheir boyfriend to think of him as a client? Is a lady who has no "rates" but has wealthy lovers that she is not in a committed traditional relationship with, and gets gifted and support to look at them as clients?

Last time I checked, wives are not paid companions who live separate from their husbands, meet their husbands infrequently and only for sexual or companionship encounters, then go back to their real lives with their real families.

A girlfriend, last I checked, did not advertise her services as a paid companion and meet other guys, who pay for her time.

A sugarbaby with a sugardaddy has a single client.

All of your examples do not apply to you, and as reasons for calling not calling your clients "client" is not logical. My point, along with the other posters, again is simply that there is no shame in having clients, there is no need to "dress it up" and try to leave the impression that they are not, or that you are not a paid companion and that the ONLY reason you are together with that person is because you advertise as a paid companion, you are initially contacted to be their paid companion, and that all subsequent encounters are paid for.

My lovers do not pay me, at any time in our relationship, whether the initial meeting or the last one. Whether they give me a gift or not does not change that simple fact, and will not suddenly make them a client. And the fact that a client discretely deposits my fee directly into my bank account so there is no sordid envelope presented to me on arrival, does not change the fact that he is a client paying for my time, not my lover.

HOwever, in the unlikely event that I call up one of my clients, invite him over for a very special weekend with me at no charge, and never charge him again ever, then he becomes my lover.
 

Me again

Well-known member
Joined May 21, 2010
Messages 398
shadowsun said:
Last time I checked, wives are not paid companions who live separate from their husbands, meet their husbands infrequently and only for sexual or companionship encounters, then go back to their real lives with their real families.

A girlfriend, last I checked, did not advertise her services as a paid companion and meet other guys, who pay for her time.

A sugarbaby with a sugardaddy has a single client.

All of your examples do not apply to you, and as reasons for calling not calling your clients "client" is not logical. My point, along with the other posters, again is simply that there is no shame in having clients, there is no need to "dress it up" and try to leave the impression that they are not, or that you are not a paid companion and that the ONLY reason you are together with that person is because you advertise as a paid companion, you are initially contacted to be their paid companion, and that all subsequent encounters are paid for.

My lovers do not pay me, at any time in our relationship, whether the initial meeting or the last one. Whether they give me a gift or not does not change that simple fact, and will not suddenly make them a client. And the fact that a client discretely deposits my fee directly into my bank account so there is no sordid envelope presented to me on arrival, does not change the fact that he is a client paying for my time, not my lover.

HOwever, in the unlikely event that I call up one of my clients, invite him over for a very special weekend with me at no charge, and never charge him again ever, then he becomes my lover.

Thanks, think you have said what we were all thinking.
 
G

Guido

Guest
Lauren, do your clients really buy into that lover shpeel? I believe it's a business transaction, except for the the rare time something blooms from many repeats i.e. friendships, fuck buddies ect...
 
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